Again.

I just knew this was going to be the month. The month all our dreams came true. And when I didn't get a visit from my wonderful Aunt Flow on Christmas Eve and Christmas day I knew this was it. I knew it. There was no doubt in my mind....

Until I took a test the following Tuesday and it was negative. So, I went the rest of the day without saying anything to anyone. Not even Jake. It is possible to get a false negative, or a false positive for that matter. On Thursday still nothing so I called Doctor B. and on my lunch I went on an adventure to get my blood drawn. It had snowed the day before in Mount Vernon and the roads were a solid sheet of ice. The ice combined with the fact that no one in the area seems to know how to drive when white stuff hits the ground made it almost more then an adventure.

A few hours later I got a call that the blood test had been negative too. I remember thinking, "Well that is just shitty. Now what?" Jen, my nurse told me not to worry that is is possible to still be pregnant even with a negative blood test. If I still hadn't gotten a visit by Wednesday of the following week I was to call them back. Wednesday rolls around and still NOTHING, not even any cramps. I am busy the whole day with an interview in Seattle and didn't get a chance to call the doctor. But I did call Thursday though and set up an ultra sound for Friday morning.

Before the ultra sound, while I'm sitting with nothing on from my waist down, Dr. B. says that it is possible my body is just confused. Confused??? Really!?!? Of all things for my body to be confused is not what I was thinking or wanting. Sure enough there was nothing growing. Sure enough my body was confused, and apparently this happens once in a while. I guess when one egg is released the others should stop maturing and just disappear. Apparently this is not what happened this cycle and one tried to keep going, in turn confusing my body into thinking it was only in the middle of the cycle.

To fix everything, to get things back on track, Dr. B. put me on Pergesterone for the next 7 days. I should be some what back to normal after then. SHOULD be.

In the mean time, I have almost given up on Christmas magic. I'm starting to wonder if it is even something real or something we tell ourselves to get through the holidays. Pretty much breaks my heart to think about that. Oh well, how magical can one day be? After all it only happens once a year?

So now this leaves Jake and I with a dilemma. What is our next step? But that is for a different post. I am going to enjoy this glass of wine and then go clean the bathrooms....fun, right?


With that I will leave you with a few quotes:

~There is no failure except in no longer trying.
Elbert Hubbard

~Disappointments are to the sole what thunderstorms are to the air.
Johanna C.F. Von Schiller
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~I feel cheated never being able to know what it's like to get pregnant, carry a child, and breast feed. Dustin Hoffman

Strength

A few days ago a friend of mine sent me a txt message titled Strength. It was exactly what I needed that day. Tuesday had been a long day and to be reminded that things I want might not be in the His plan for me but He would never give me something I can not handle. And that, right now is something that is hard for me to remember.


Here is part of the txt:
"To get something you never had, you have to do something you've never done." When God takes something from your grasp, He's not punishing you, but merely opening your hands to receive something better. The will of God will never take you where the grace of God will not protect you. Something good will happen to you today, something that you have been waiting to hear. Its just 27 words: "God our Father, walk through our house and take away all my worries and illnesses and please watch over and heal my family in Jesus name, Amen."

Well...

You know, I can't even find the words. I have so many emotions going though me right now yet I can find no way to put them into words. Confusion is a good word for how I feel. I guess this is just another month...like any other month on our journey.

Maybe it will end the way we want. But most likely it wont.

Confused yet?

I am.

Christmas Eve at WaFed

At every job there are ups and downs. Good days and bad. I work with two amazing girls!
I absolutly love these girls! They are a lot of the reason I go to work everyday!

~Elizabeth, Alina and I in our Christmas ties~~Elizabeth and I playing with the camera while Miss Alina actually works~
~Feliz Navidad (I'm sure I spelled that wrong) was on the radio~

~The timer on the camera is a great function~

~Elizabeth and the gift I got durring our gift exchange...tea time~

~Alina playing with her 50+ shades of eye shadow she got~

~Our stockings~

Thanks girls for making work so much fun! We rock, thats how we roll!!!

Homemade Christmas

I absolutely love love love giving gifts to people that I made. I think it they are such personal gifts and I love seeing the smile on their face when they open it. I would much rather give a gift I made, no matter how small, then something I bought at a store.

This year, for several friends and family I used pictures I took throughout the year and put them on canvas. It is a lot like scrapbooking and then hanging the page on your wall...lots of fun! Here are some pictures of the works in progress for my mother, mother-in-law, and cousin Ryan and wife Kate.

What is FAMILY?

Parmentier Family pictures...

Martyn Family pictures...

Ryan and Kate were married this summer. This is a late wedding gift and Christmas gift all in one. I really hope they liked it :O)

I need to see if I have pictures of the FAMILY pictures. I really liked how they all turned out and even have some extra canvas that I will do some for us to put up at our house.

My grownup Christmas wish

All over the T.V. are commercials for Macy's Dear Santa campaign. Drop of a letter to Santa and Macy's donates $1.00 to charity. What a great idea. There are a lot of kids who send letters to Santa right? But, those commercials got me thinking. Why just kids? Why cant those of us who still believe in Santa, and if not Santa but the magic of Christmas write a letter? I love the Christmas season as I have said several times, I love the magic and the togetherness of the season.
This year seems a little different. The tree doesn't seem to have the same effect as years past. It just seems different. I guess I just need a little bit of...I don't know. Magic. So I thought a letter to Santa might be just what I need.


Dear Santa,

All I want for Christmas is a family. You see, my husband Jake and I have been trying to start a family for almost 3 years and nothing has worked. I know, with all my heart, that we will make good parents. That we will love our children. Teach them to be great people. And to be everything they can be. But for some reason our dream of making a family just hasn't happened. It almost feels like it is not going to happen and I find myself more and more feeling like I should just give up. Please Santa, share some of your Christmas magic with us. We won't let you down. Thanks Santa.

With love,
Rochelle Martyn

P.S. I know you are real.

It might not work but its worth a try, right? Why is it that kids are the only ones who can believe in Santa and in the magic of Christmas? I look forward to this time of year...but for some reason this year is not the same. Here's to a little Christmas magic in the Martyn household.

Holiday Card 2010

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