Again.

I just knew this was going to be the month. The month all our dreams came true. And when I didn't get a visit from my wonderful Aunt Flow on Christmas Eve and Christmas day I knew this was it. I knew it. There was no doubt in my mind....

Until I took a test the following Tuesday and it was negative. So, I went the rest of the day without saying anything to anyone. Not even Jake. It is possible to get a false negative, or a false positive for that matter. On Thursday still nothing so I called Doctor B. and on my lunch I went on an adventure to get my blood drawn. It had snowed the day before in Mount Vernon and the roads were a solid sheet of ice. The ice combined with the fact that no one in the area seems to know how to drive when white stuff hits the ground made it almost more then an adventure.

A few hours later I got a call that the blood test had been negative too. I remember thinking, "Well that is just shitty. Now what?" Jen, my nurse told me not to worry that is is possible to still be pregnant even with a negative blood test. If I still hadn't gotten a visit by Wednesday of the following week I was to call them back. Wednesday rolls around and still NOTHING, not even any cramps. I am busy the whole day with an interview in Seattle and didn't get a chance to call the doctor. But I did call Thursday though and set up an ultra sound for Friday morning.

Before the ultra sound, while I'm sitting with nothing on from my waist down, Dr. B. says that it is possible my body is just confused. Confused??? Really!?!? Of all things for my body to be confused is not what I was thinking or wanting. Sure enough there was nothing growing. Sure enough my body was confused, and apparently this happens once in a while. I guess when one egg is released the others should stop maturing and just disappear. Apparently this is not what happened this cycle and one tried to keep going, in turn confusing my body into thinking it was only in the middle of the cycle.

To fix everything, to get things back on track, Dr. B. put me on Pergesterone for the next 7 days. I should be some what back to normal after then. SHOULD be.

In the mean time, I have almost given up on Christmas magic. I'm starting to wonder if it is even something real or something we tell ourselves to get through the holidays. Pretty much breaks my heart to think about that. Oh well, how magical can one day be? After all it only happens once a year?

So now this leaves Jake and I with a dilemma. What is our next step? But that is for a different post. I am going to enjoy this glass of wine and then go clean the bathrooms....fun, right?


With that I will leave you with a few quotes:

~There is no failure except in no longer trying.
Elbert Hubbard

~Disappointments are to the sole what thunderstorms are to the air.
Johanna C.F. Von Schiller
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~I feel cheated never being able to know what it's like to get pregnant, carry a child, and breast feed. Dustin Hoffman