In the last post I mentioned that both my brother and I were adopted, right? Well our adoptions couldn't have turned out more different. Mine was completely closed and my brother's, Stephen, was a little more open. My parents (Madora and Jerry) only knew that there were no complications during the pregnancy and my birth. But other then that, nothing.And to this day I have no idea, nor do I have any desire to, know their names. Now Stephen's on the other hand, my parents were picked by his biological parents and even meet them I think.
Over the years his bio's sent a Christmas card each year but otherwise had no contact. Apparently when my brother was younger he asked my mom what his bio parents names were and he remembered their name for probably 15 years. After his 18th birthday he looked up their name in the phonebook...and they were still together and the actually still lived in the area. Now most people go through the adoption agency but not my brother. He picked up the phone and called them. When his bio father picked up the phone he said "Dad? This is your son."
They are amazing people and have a great family to boot. But...sometimes it feels like they are more important to him then we are. He always spends time with us for holidays but I sometimes feel like we are 2nd on the totem pole. Like we can't get our family holiday time done fast enough. When my husband and I go back to our home town for a visit, unless its a holiday, it seems like we never get to see him. He is always doing something with them.
And I do realize that this all sounds kind of self centered but this really hurts my feelings. I feel left out of his life all the time. And I know every relationship is a two way street and I'm sure I don't do everything I can to keep the lines of communication open. Most of the time I, when I think about calling him, I don't because my feelings are hurt for one reason or another.
Both of us look at our parents differently, or so it seems. I feel that my parents are my parents. Anyone can create life but it takes a whole lot of love, work, and faith to raise a family. My parents are my REAL parents. They might not be biological but they are my parents and I would not change anything about that. I love them very much and I believe they gave me the best childhood any one could ask for.
Mom and Dad...thank you for all you have done for me. I am very thankful for all you have sacrificed. And to my brother...remember that we are still part of your family. And we like spending time with you!
3 comments:
I don't think you sound self centered at all. You love your brother and just want to know that you're important in his life. ANYONE would want to know that with their siblings.
On another note, all these years I have known you, I never knew you were adopted. And I can tell just how much you love your momma and dad... it's really wonderful. :)
Thank you! Thank you! Thank you Jessica! I was actually 3 days old when I was given to my parents and didn't really never cared to know who my biological parents were. And it is so strange seeing my brother do all of these things.
Thank you for all of your support!!! It really means a lot to me, more then you could ever know! Thanks!
Hey Rochelle,
Just catching up on your blog! I haven't looked at it in ages.
I know it's hard sometimes to understand this situation and the way you feel is totally understandable. My only thoughts would be just to give him time. Everyone is different, you don't desire to know your bio parents and that's totally okay - but he does, and that's okay too.
Your mom and dad are and have been awesome parents to you both, just try to remember that giving a baby up in adoption is often the most selfless thing a woman can do when she's faced with an unplanned pregnancy and knows she can't care for the child. So, it doesn't mean they weren't being good parents, sometimes it means they were being the best parents they could be in that situation. And I bet they are so thankful that Steven ended up in a family like yours!! I bet deep down they are so happy that Steven has your mom and dad to be his mom and dad.
I'm sure Steven will figure out the balance in due time. It's got to be a confusing set of emotions he has in the situation. And it's confusing for your family too! Hang in there and remember that he loves you and your mom and dad very much!!!
Love ya! Call me if you ever want to talk!
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