Cleaning house

I have never, ever said I was good at keeping a clean house. Actually that was one of the first things I told Jake when we first started dating. I only clean when I have to.

That being said...don't judge.

And just think...this is after only 2 weeks of being to busy and not having the time,

or the want, to clean the house. Pretty much grosses me out. A lot.

Oh well...its clean now. At least for the night.

Just a quick update

So last month did not work. I'm sure I made that very clear in the previous post. But now on to the next step.

I actually had an x-ray yesterday to see if my tubes were open. Let me tell you, it was painful! Apparently getting a catheter past the cervix is not that easy to do. It took a few attempts and I had some of the worst cramps I have ever had. After the catheter was in place, a balloon was inflated and the dye was injected.

The dye followed through my tubes and out the end just like normal. The one thing Dr. B. was concerned about was how the dye pooled outside the left tube and that it didn't disperse like it should. My left tube is also a little thinner then it should be. Dr. B. said it shouldn't be causing any big problems being that it is still open but he wants to focus more on the right side.

I'm not 100% sure what that is going to mean. But we have another ultra sound appointment on Thursday so we will get more information then. This could turn out to be very very expensive!

On another note...I still have not told my parents about us not being able to get pregnant. I know I should and I want to. I just don't know how. After all, we have been trying for so long and haven't even told them we were trying. I keep chickening out! I will. I will. I will. I just don't want them to worry.

Dissapointed!

At this point there is no guessing...the chlomid and hCG shots didn't work this month.

I really want to be at the lake now. I want to tell my mom that we can't get pregnant. I want to cry. I want my mom to tell me it will happen. And I want her to tell me everything that her and my dad tried for the 10 years they had tried to get pregnant. I want to belive that it will happen.

*tear*

Is dissapointment on the way again?

After getting shots in the bum...4 times...I don't think it worked! I'm starting to feel cramppy today. And one can only guess what that means. Ugh! I'm not really looking forward to what we will have to do if it doesn't work this month. I think, but am not positive, that our next step will be an injection of dye and an x-ray to see if my tubes are blocked. I have heard that a lot of woman get pregnant right after this because some how it clears things us. Or something. I don't really know.

I am very afraid that we will get the worst news...that my tubes are blocked and will never be able to get pregnant naturally. Not that I call using the hormone hCG and chlomid necessarily "naturally" but its better then the alternative. Not that invitro (sp?) is bad by any means, it just costs a lot of money and there are no guarantees! And if that's the case we will have to do some serious thinking about what we want to do, how much we want to spend, and decide if adoption is a better option for us right now.

So yes, there is a lot running through my mind right now. And all I really want to be doing is sitting on the end of the dock, in my swimsuit, with a glass of ice cold water...In Everwell Bay Lake Coeur d'Alene!

On another note: Jake and I both had blood drawn this week. Dr. Branigan wants to run some test to make sure there is nothing that could be causing us not to get pregnant, even though these tests were done about this time last year. But anyway. Tuesday I go in, give the the sheet and my insurance card, and walk back with the lady to the room. I tell her I'm not really excited about this and she tells me not to worry. And THEN she just stabs the needle into my arm!!! No warning, no nothing. I get back to work, in pain mind you, only to discover I have a bump stating in my elbow pit....you know the part where they draw blood? And the bump keeps getting bigger!!! Needles to say the next day I am BLACK AND BLUE. And still am to this day. I did get a phone call from the office of the scary blood drawing nurse saying they need another vile of blood. I go back on my lunch and am very happy to see a different nurse...phew! I pull up my sleeve and ask if this is normal. Her response is "Oh my gosh! What happened?" I tell her the whole story. She apologizes and tells me to keep pressure on it. Ugh! I hate getting my blood drawn. Atleast there was no bump or bruses this time, thank goodness!

So here is to another day in the sun...and the hopes that the cramps GO AWAY!!!

Remembering Daniel Hyde.

This past weekend I was able to watch my little brother compete in IronMan in Coeur d'Alene, Idaho. And it was a very memorable weekend and I wouldn't trade that experience for anything.
One thing that made the weekend more memorable was one of the athletes. We were on the run course cheering on the runners and making sure they went on the right side almost all day. From 1pm until just before midnight actually. While this particular young lady was running by, she reached out her hand and handed me something. Saying "I want you to have this in memory of my friend." Turns out it is a dog tag with the name 1LT Daniel Hyde US ARMY KIA 3-7-09

I have several friends in the armed forces and have always respected what they do for us and what the give up for us. This brought home the reality of it all. Yes I know people who are now or have been overseas, and I hear names on the news of soldiers who have died...but I have never "known" someone who died. Not that I know Daniel Hyde but the lady that gave it to me did.

I have thought about it a lot over the past few days and I would like to know who this person was. Where they lived. And any other information I can find out about Daniel. I know I will always remember that day and Daniel and his family will forever be in my heart and prayers.

Daniel B. Hyde, 24
Army, 1st Lieutenant
Based: Schofield Barracks, Hawaii
2nd Battalion, 35th Infantry Regiment, 3rd Infantry

Brigade Combat Team, 25th Infantry Division
Supporting: Operation Iraqi Freedom
Died: March 7, 2009
Samarra, Iraq

Here we go.

This morning, for the 3rd time we made the trek up to Bellinham to see everyone in the Bellingham IFV office at 8 o'clock in the morning. It has been 15 days since the start of my cycle and 5 days since the end of my chlomid. We needed to see what was going on in there.

Our fingers were crossed! Well, it turns out that everything looks GREAT! An egg had matured on time, a follicle was where it needed to be, and the lining was at a stage 9 on a scale of 1 to 10. Unfortunately we didn't get to see the ultrasound machine screen this time so I didn't get to see everything like I had hoped but it is good news and that's all that counts.

As the ultrasound tech (who is from Spokane actually) is putting things away she says that "the nurse will be right in to give you a shot and show you what to do for the others." I'm thinking, "What? What are you talking about?" I remember Dr. Branigan talking about giving me a hormone to make sure I ovulate and what not but I don't remember him telling me it was going to be in shot form. After all, chlomid is a hormone and its in a pill form.

So Nurse Jenny walks in with her supplies and starts telling us about everything. How to mix it. What needle to use to mix, which is the extremely large one. How to fill the needle. Switching from the big one to the much much much smaller one. How to find the injection site and to make sure no major blood supply lines are hit. How to hold the skin and how to insert the needle. Jenny went on for a long time. And this whole time she is talking and looking at me. Now, mind you, Jake is sitting in a chair next to the table I'm sitting on. I keep wondering if Jake is paying close attention because there is NO WAY on God's blue earth I am going to be able to do the stabbing of the needle myself. One of the things that really sticks out in my mind is what she said about putting the needle in and how far to go. I guess if you put the tip of the needle up against the skin and slowly push it in that will cause tearing of the skin. Tearing!?!? Really? Did she have to say that?

After all that, I got my first shot of Human Chorionic Gonadotropin. Better known as hCG or the 'pregnancy hormone'. This is going to make sure my mature egg is released and that my lining stays around longer then it would naturally. Thus giving the egg a better chance of implanting when fertilized.

There will be 3 more shots of the hCG to follow over the next 9 days. The only problem... ... ..Jake has to give them to me! I know it will be fine and that Jake will be very gentle (even without tearing my skin I hope) and I will survive. But it just seems weird that my husband, not a trained medical person, is going to stick a needle in me. We shall see how things go. Wish me luck :O)

One of the side effects of this hormone, on top of the hot flashes from the chlomid, is tiredness. That I for sure have already. So on that note I'm going to end. Fingers crossed that our next visit to the doctor is more then 15 days (or maybe 10 days, I can't remember now) after the last shot for a pregnancy test.

I hope. I hope. I hope.

Doctors Appointment Number 2

Today was our 2nd of many doctor visits up to see Dr. Branigan. Actually it was Jake's 3rd visit in as many days. Poor guy :O) good thing they are all so very nice up there!

We found out the results from the sperm test today...and everything looks great! There were over 100 MILLION little swimmers in the sample and there were lots and lots of healthy, active little guys.

Did you know that sperm can be different shapes? And that in order for the sperm and egg to connect it has to be an exact fit? Dr. Branigan explained it a little like an electrical outlet...you have to have the right kind of plug to make it work. I guess if the sperm is to skinny, or fat, or long, or odd shaped it wont be able to fertilize the egg.

Some of Jake's (and he is probably going to kill me for posting this), just like any man's sperm are oddly shaped. But that means nothing other then the shape. They all have the same genetic makeup no matter what shape. And once they fertilize and egg, naturally or with the help of IVF, they make happy healthy babies. Dr. Branigan was not concerned what so ever about those few oddly shaped ones and reassured us that it wasn't going to cause any problems with becoming pregnant.

So on to the next step. I am back on chlomid so that at my next appointment, next Thursday, we will be able to see what my eggs are doing and if they are developing correctly. We will also get to see what the lining looks like and all those other things us girls get to experience on a monthly basis.

No matter what the results are of this next ultra sound we have lots and lots of options, and still some more tests that might have to be run. We are very hopeful that this will be the month.

I will have more updates on our journey to a family as we visit our wonderful doctor Dr. Branigan and the rest of the staff at Bellingham IFV & Infertility.